it is almost therapeutic to me, to constantly sit and observe.

i see peoples acts, and i see people for who they sometimes pretend to be.

it is a clear as the sky on those cloudless days. i try and understand why the people who put on acts and live on these false pretenses are those whom the stories seem to follow. it is as if the people who really feel and care and are true and vulnerable cannot put themselves out there, or choose not to because they know the harsh reality of the world might just sweep them back further into the background. there is no fame or attribution when one calmly accepts the world as it is, as it comes full circle. there is only that clarity which comes with understanding things, that we all begin to confuse ourselves with our choices because there are too many. foolish and ignorant people always know what they want, it is as if everything is in black and white. sometimes i wish everything to me was merely black and white, and not all those shades of grey that is it way too much to comprehend. 

can it ever be a world without lies? probably not. everything is a room of smoke and mirrors. we all play this game and sometimes choose not to realise that we are. i suppose life wouldn't be if there were no stories we wanted to believe could come true, and that in thinking that goodness lies somewhere beyond those lies and tales is giving up hope in the kind of life that we all try to make with stories of hope and a beautiful life. perhaps reasoning is just acknowledgement of fatigue with the pretenses we all face each day, and it is a way of edging ourselves out of the game, and making excuses for not wanting to hope or pretend that everything can and will be okay. maybe sometimes things aren't 'okay'. maybe some of us walk around with a grey cloud over our heads because the world really isn't just a ball full of sunshine and radiant light, and that maybe, maybe we need some kind of acknowledgement that this is real, and that we aren't just 'depressed' or 'weird' and 'unexciting'. this is life too i think. sometimes its not okay.