my head is a fucked up place to be right now.

in between the thoughts of study, work and all that jazz there is just so much anticipation. regret. remorse. and just plain dissapointment in myself. why can't i have said things when they should have been said. why didn't i give a fuck about the things that mattered, just because i was too afraid to make myself vulnerable. why do i always let people push me around instead of having an opinion for myself and going through with it.

i'm a fucking dissapointment, that is what i am.

i dont understand this at all. everything makes sense when you don't care about a thing in the world. then sooner or later you realise that the more you stop caring , the more everything stops to makes sense and in the end there is nothing left but you and your useless, worthless thoughts.

i don't know how this happened, but i just know that i want to get out. i can't get out.. it's such a huge tangled mess. i wish i didn't feel so fucking scared all the time. and that if i really cared about something, i would have the persistence and guts and balls and just plain effort to see things through. i give up so easily. on myself, on everything around me.

im way too young to feel this way. to already be disapointed in myself is just plain scary.

i need to find a way out