life is but a dream

change your habits, change your ways

2012-01-17T04:16:00.000+11:00

i think the one thing that we should try our best never to give up on is enthusiasm. to forever be enthusiastic of whatever ventures we find ourselves on is a blessing as there is always hope for the future and a driving force for us to continue pursuing whatever it is that we want to call our own.

in growing up i consciously find myself losing the willpower or choosing deliberately to be reluctant in whatever situation i find myself to be because of that assumption that we know the outcome and that we might very well be disappointed. the enthusiasm of young hopeful eyes of children are long gone and slowly we allow ourselves to be eaten up by the mundane.

another thing is ease. nothing comes easy in life and nothing that is ever worth anything will come by without will and hard work. call it the old soul in me but i believe things come too easy to us nowadays. everything is handed onto a silver platter and everything is so accessible that we lose touch of the value behind things and the thought that should be given towards the actions that we take. information is vast, materials are plenty and suddenly we face an abundance of everything and slowly we are sucked into a world of just plain too much.

I find myself this way often, spending hours in front of the computer doing nothing really, but feeling as if I have so much to do. I believe we have to choose between what is necessary for ourselves and what we have unconsciously allowed ourselves to believe is necessity.

all in all, we allow the ourselves to be dictated by what is around us instead of choosing for ourselves what we wish to accomplish and strive for in life. and that is where enthusiasm is lost, because there is no will and there is no passion.

although I am a few weeks late i have found that resolution which i wish to strive for this year, to remain enthusiastic and willful in everything i choose to do. and to slow down and take each day as it comes to become a better version of myself that i was the day before, because these simple things are what accounts for in the bigger picture and the simple everyday action is what drives you towards what you aim to achieve.

what do you want to strive for?

and its that time of the year again.

2011-12-26T08:15:00.000+11:00

back home, awake at 5am, humid air around me and not a care in the world. these are my favourite moments in life, and these moments always happen when i'm at home. i don't want to go overboard or to over exaggerate the moment because it is nothing more than the feeling of absolute contentment. it is a beautiful balance that i always find only when i am with my family and with friends i have grown up with over time. there is something about leaving that makes it so much better once you return. it is the growth of people, the change in time and the bond which is built over it because you and everybody else has managed to grow out of that separation and the anxiety of reuniting is no longer there.

a few hours ago it was christmas, a moment in the year where everybody is suddenly thrown together into a universal, shared celebration. i am so happy that i get to spend it at home, with the people i love the most, and with only this thought in my head, 'to be a better person each day than the one you were before' .

onto more adventures..

2011-11-17T18:18:00.000+11:00

It may be that the satisfaction I need depends on my going away, so that when I’ve gone and come back, I’ll find it at home.

- Rumi

2011-11-16T01:37:00.000+11:00

my head is a fucked up place to be right now.

in between the thoughts of study, work and all that jazz there is just so much anticipation. regret. remorse. and just plain dissapointment in myself. why can't i have said things when they should have been said. why didn't i give a fuck about the things that mattered, just because i was too afraid to make myself vulnerable. why do i always let people push me around instead of having an opinion for myself and going through with it.

i'm a fucking dissapointment, that is what i am.

i dont understand this at all. everything makes sense when you don't care about a thing in the world. then sooner or later you realise that the more you stop caring , the more everything stops to makes sense and in the end there is nothing left but you and your useless, worthless thoughts.

i don't know how this happened, but i just know that i want to get out. i can't get out.. it's such a huge tangled mess. i wish i didn't feel so fucking scared all the time. and that if i really cared about something, i would have the persistence and guts and balls and just plain effort to see things through. i give up so easily. on myself, on everything around me.

im way too young to feel this way. to already be disapointed in myself is just plain scary.

i need to find a way out

2011-11-03T20:07:00.000+11:00

it is almost therapeutic to me, to constantly sit and observe.

i see peoples acts, and i see people for who they sometimes pretend to be.

it is a clear as the sky on those cloudless days. i try and understand why the people who put on acts and live on these false pretenses are those whom the stories seem to follow. it is as if the people who really feel and care and are true and vulnerable cannot put themselves out there, or choose not to because they know the harsh reality of the world might just sweep them back further into the background. there is no fame or attribution when one calmly accepts the world as it is, as it comes full circle. there is only that clarity which comes with understanding things, that we all begin to confuse ourselves with our choices because there are too many. foolish and ignorant people always know what they want, it is as if everything is in black and white. sometimes i wish everything to me was merely black and white, and not all those shades of grey that is it way too much to comprehend.

can it ever be a world without lies? probably not. everything is a room of smoke and mirrors. we all play this game and sometimes choose not to realise that we are. i suppose life wouldn't be if there were no stories we wanted to believe could come true, and that in thinking that goodness lies somewhere beyond those lies and tales is giving up hope in the kind of life that we all try to make with stories of hope and a beautiful life. perhaps reasoning is just acknowledgement of fatigue with the pretenses we all face each day, and it is a way of edging ourselves out of the game, and making excuses for not wanting to hope or pretend that everything can and will be okay. maybe sometimes things aren't 'okay'. maybe some of us walk around with a grey cloud over our heads because the world really isn't just a ball full of sunshine and radiant light, and that maybe, maybe we need some kind of acknowledgement that this is real, and that we aren't just 'depressed' or 'weird' and 'unexciting'. this is life too i think. sometimes its not okay.

2011-11-01T23:30:00.002+11:00

so i asked myself what is important, to think, or to feel? and the only response i could come up with was, i don't know. have i lost my soul?

2011-10-27T20:02:00.000+11:00

it comes to that time of the year again, when everything approaches the end, and everything that you have worked so hard for throughout the year is summed up and evaluated. by now i'm sick and tired of everything, frustrated, beaten up, mentally bashed and physically exhausted. but it is in fact the time to be the strongest. i admit that at times i doubt myself the most, i am my worst critic, and my ideas are constantly changing. I cannot go without battling with my inner self, and trying to find the best solution to the problem without settling. and yet, when it comes to this stage, it is , i think , the most important to also be your own number one fan. it is time to love what you do, to see everything that you have worked so hard on for the past semester and to take it all in, sum it up, bring all the pieces together, and wholly and truthfully love everything that has been beaten, squeezed, sucked out of you for the whole year. to love it unconditionally although parts may be unresolved and it seems that the problem is never solved. to have a million and one things to do, and everything depends on this final haul and to still love it, push through, pour your whole heart and soul into it. it is not the time to give up, but rather the time to fight harder, stronger.

wow. i really do love what i do. i love it!! now time to go and push harder and embrace the pain.

montly evaluation on life and other things

2011-10-20T23:35:00.000+11:00

life as a university student is incredibly difficult. it doesnt seem so on the cool exterior faces of kids rushing in and out of lecture auditoriums and cafes with books in their hands and coffee breath on their lips. but in reality it is. there is so much to learn, so much to know, so much to find out and so little time to do so. for me, i am in an inward blackhole right now, going deeper and deeper into a dark abyss of 'screwed' after missing a series of lectures and putting of work one week too many. i can't do this * i keep telling myself. i hate deadlines, i hate rules, i hate systems and imposed structure. it's all too confining. it all makes too much sense that it doesnt. then i tell myself i love it, it's the beauty, the joy of knowing and learning. then i go back to the beginning. it's all a giant conundrum of never reaching satisfaction. fuck it's hard.

aside from that, you kind of have to keep yourself alive. food, clothes , money. social life. fuck social life if you want to be a uni student. i have had to decline so many offers to go out, to hang out.. even to eat out because time is a ticking bomb and there is no getting it back. i work much more than i can afford to pay in time, and get paid minimally in actual money. food.. food is a cycle of instant noodles, salads , coffee, tea and orange juice. its a wonder how my flesh and body have not turn themselves out and against me for this serious case of negligence. and shopping, oh shopping, the wonders of online shopping have revealed themselves in this desperate times. however, lack of cash and lack of personal restraint dont make a good combination in retrospect. oh fuck that.

i dont believe i am going to make it out of this alive. or at least close to being the same sane person that i believe i was.. until this stage of life. everything is a blur of known and unknown. i honestly dont feel any smarter, i just feel incredibly lost and dumb. hard times. hard times. hard times.

so there we go. here is where i am, stuck in a rut of continual mental torture for the sake of something abstract and yet extremely physical. i dont have words to explain it eloquently. i just feel exhausted.

2011-10-09T01:20:00.000+11:00

they say that the happiness never lasts
i dont want to be scared this time around.

I need to start taking care of myself.

2011-10-07T16:32:00.000+11:00

Does passion strike?
Like a snake, preying
On the vulnerable and unguarded.
Or does it charm,
The ones who choose to go
and be misguided.

Does passion grow?
from a heart of Hopes
without the right mind
to know where to go

If i meet Him
Will I know?
or does She tempt me
into a way which
I can only choose to follow.

2011-09-25T20:41:00.000+10:00

singing to a silent audience

when all is quiet and dark, it is when your voice is the loudest and needed the most

2011-08-26T14:52:00.000+10:00

If I gave you a view of the world from my window, what would you see?

Have you even give up on something because you either thought you would never do well enough for it, or that it was too difficult and not worth all your time? I have. I have given up on so many things, my room is littered with pieces of leftover tools, papers, books, and gadgets of all sorts. The skeletal remains of dreams which were once inspiring and beautiful. Sometimes I see all this accumulated junk and try to take a step back to figure out what kind of motivation drove me to even pursue it in the first place. In the end, the reasons are hard to define and the drive and inspiration is swept under the rug.

Recently, this blog has started to become one of those things I have slowly given up on. It is sad, that the passion for writing and illustrating a idea through that harmonic mix of photographs and sentences has slowly started to vane with everything else going on in my life. Also along the way I have started to doubt myself and everything I believe in. It is hard to write when you contradict yourself in your head as well as on paper.

Yet somehow, I find that I cannot give up on this, it is something I have been doing for most of my teenage life. Writing and photographing is something I have grown up with, it is a huge part of who I am and I cannot lose that part of me. It seems that ever since I've come here, I have grown distant from the person that I once was, and have grown into someone who constantly tries to live up to expectations surrounding my studies and at the same time, trying to juggle responsibility which comes with living abroad. I have taken everything so seriously I have lost touch with my own 'humanity'.

So, thank you all of you who constantly read this, it is something I do because I truly and wholeheartedly am passionate about, stories are my world, photographs are windows into that world. Don't give up on my just yet :) I just need your inspiration to get me going!

faith

2011-08-15T23:07:00.000+10:00

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams

Sometimes, the only thing we can do is wake up each day and dream up a world in which we could live in. Sometimes, the only way is to have hope
and in spite of it all, we hold our head up high and take on whatever comes our way knowing that all ends well.

2011-08-10T22:10:00.000+10:00

"I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

— F. Scott Fitzgerald

I wake up each day with the notion of a better day, where some slight action makes a difference between each menial routine I've so carefully rehearsed over the years. If living revolves around habit, then I'd rather break free. Sure, some things have to be built up over time, but how would you undo something so concrete when you realise there needs to be room for change? The mind works in such strange ways, the grows, organically, and takes control over our bodies that there is no turning back sometimes.

I wish sometimes I could be satisfied with everything I have. They say that happiness lies in appreciating and accepting what you have, and yes, I am happy in that sense, but I always also want to keep moving, because time is all encompassing, and therefor satisfaction has to move with it. Today I could be content, but if I woke up tomorrow, I want to be living life worth being contented for.

It scares me , so much. I fear that nothing will ever be enough for me and if so, when do I stop and settle. Everything moves so fast, permanence is a bit of a fantasy and sometimes I wish it were that easy to make up my mind about where it is I wish to go and be one hundred percent sure about it.

City in Ruins

2011-08-04T20:28:00.000+10:00

Christchurch Aftermath

If there is beauty to be found in such a fragile situation, it is the beauty of the human spirit. There is no greater strength than the resilience of men and women, holding on to the hope of a better tomorrow, believing in the ability of time to heal and bring about change.

Of art, emotions and the long road ahead...

2011-07-28T20:13:00.000+10:00

A new semester begins and a new chance emerges to challenge myself and push the boundaries in understanding myself, the world around me and being able to transform all these into creation of some sort. This time around I am suddenly aware of the centrality of emotions which can be conveyed through what I do. Everything about creating art is about conveying emotions, trying to reach out and resonate on the same level as your audience and the present something which speaks about an issue, a resolution or even a new way of thinking about things. I've realized that a lot of my work has started to lack this, after being confounded by the technicalities of it all and in being able to resolve this I must find a way to balance my own vision with the language which already exists. After all, that is the basis for communicating and sharing something.

In a way, studying an art has opened my eyes to a vast new world, one which is the same world I have been living in, yet with a fresh new perspective and an interest in details of the how everything is run. When you study architecture, you begin to notice everything, because everything is architecture. Humans have defined a space of living, and a way of living through their architecture, and to understand this, there needs to be a deep appreciation for culture, history and all of us which are involved in it. There seems to be an unending source of inspiration, and suddenly the brightest source of inspiration and direction comes from being able to choose these ideas carefully and finally pushing hard enough to make them happen.

It is all a cycle, an exercise in creating reality from what is inside my head, and thus the journey continues...

Direction

2011-05-16T00:07:00.000+10:00

Claire

Reality works two ways in my world - once in my head and the rest all around. Beyond the silent drumming of the rain tapping away against the grey Melbourne sky, the images of the granite floors at home rush into mind ; it is a young me lying on the cold hard floor listening to sounds which line any ordinary day. I travel back in time this way, my body is able to be in two places at once, and my mind - my mind is the infinite world in which two realities can meet.

I begin to wonder much of the time where the point was when these lines began to blur. A shift in gravity and geography threw everything out of place, and soon it seems that all sense of myself got jumbled among the mix. It is difficult to see objectively without losing one's identity.

At which point do you let your opinions take control of how you see the world?

Taking a step back, it seems the world begins to converge when you appreciate the horizon. Smaller things recede into the back and the space in which to hold this view begins in the vast enveloping view of where you are, and where you have been. It is no longer about continuously moving forward, but stepping back, appreciating and occasionally asking for directions.

2011-05-08T19:35:00.000+10:00

The cycle of seasons is a harsh yet unavoidable one- each day paves the way for the next, the earth revolves in circles and forces the tides to wash away what is left on our shores. One day you wake up to rays of yellow warmth and the next the unforgiving cold wraps you in its paralyzing grip.

Something we often take for granted is the beauty of our world, because it springs forth without our conscious need to control it. Each day something beautiful grows from this earth, it's springs into life and tells us subtly that we are and never will be truly alone.

It's winter already, the biting cold bears down and sends shivers throughout my body. I wait for the sun to come once again...

serious business

2011-04-27T17:46:00.000+10:00

so it struck me recently, how much of a kid i am even in this 19 - turning 20 year old body. my head is always up in the clouds, rules don't seem to fathom much for me nor do i take anything really seriously. it always seemed like a good idea in my head - why be tied down to social principles and boundaries set up by people? Isn’t it all about thinking outside the box, being different, being an individual?

Then I slowly began to realise how much it isolates instead of brings you towards people. When you don’t communicate within a shared boundary, you start to lose connection as meaning gets lost in translation. Would a life be better lived in your own made up world – or in the real world?

It has taken me some time to come to terms with the fact that I really do need to grow up. To start taking my life more seriously – the decisions I am making now, what I do in order to learn and push ahead for the future. It is definitely time to stay grounded – even if my thoughts are willing to reach sky high.

It is definitely time to take relationships seriously; something I’ve always seem to overlook. Relationships with family , friends, colleagues and even intimate ones are not ‘things’ nor do they build themselves and keep themselves intact. Much like everything out there – it is complex, crazy, unpredictable and needs to be moulded and cared for.

It is on to serious business for me now...

the city baked in sun

2011-04-26T23:24:00.000+10:00

2011-04-22T23:56:00.000+10:00

suddenly it seems that the world has gotten a whole lot larger, that every move i might make could be lost into this strange, wide abyss of people and places - of time and scale and everything in between.

suddenly i realise why the ocean is so incredibly enchanting. it is because we are comforted to know that there is something bigger and more unknown to us out there than our own lives directly in front of us.

2011-04-21T00:45:00.000+10:00

it has been ages since i've written! life has been a series of one event after another it has been so hard to find a moment to just stop and take in everything. i have definitely dived head first into university, it has become such a huge part of my life now, something i am extremely proud yet surprised of. this is because i have always had my doubts about going to university so early in my life. i know it is strange, given the environment where i come from - it is expected of you to complete that series of school to higher education to job. but i have never felt fully confident in myself setting out on a path towards a set career. i have always been the person who wants to do everything, i have too many ambitions and not enough hours in the day. and i never knew what it is i wanted to settle with, and it is so strange seeing how taking a chance and going with something can develop into a growing passion and admiration for a craft.

ever since enrolling into architecture school, my life has taken a crazy journey. i developed a love for art, more than i had ever had in schooling years, given that i was never involved much. high school for me was all about science and grades. it is something i still don't know how i feel about- but it taught me so much about learning and seeking out as much as possible in life. in architecture school, i've learnt to question everything. i've learnt to speak a new language of forms, and to create freely. i've learn to dedicate huge amounts of time to perfecting a craft and conveying a message. in a way, designing has allowed me to express myself as much as my other loves in life have been : photographing and travelling.

i wish there was enough time to give to all three of my passions in life, but so far it has been mostly to architecture. at first i was confused about how much i really enjoyed this as a profession, given the amount of work is needed and the prospects of a job in the future. yet somewhere along the way i lost myself in this love for creating, details, forms, space, colours and utter madness that i really don't think about my future anymore- just that i am really enjoying where i am right NOW. and somehow that feels like what is most important.

besides that, i am very lucky to have found a new job, made a lot of new friends and developed a new passion for reading. yes, i have been reading so much lately. with my coffee ; cuddled up on the sofa or even in the toilet (yes, i love to read in the toilet) also, i am going to new zealand in july for a month. i am so excited i am counting the days till then.

i don't know why i am feeling extremely happy today- and extremely excited about tomorrow and the many days to come. i guess when you find what makes you happy now, you will ensure you are always happy and will be happy in the future.

this is to many more blog entries in the future - i'm making it a point to go back into writing, and sharing this crazy journey of mine.

oh and thank you readers! i love to know that somebody out there can read and share this exciteeeeeeeement with me ! :D

2011-04-07T16:37:00.002+10:00

Inspiration : April

2011-04-04T11:44:00.000+10:00

Dance : Jiri Kylian - Nederlands Dans Theater

2011-04-01T23:30:00.003+11:00

Dorothy Dix’s Dictates For A Happy Life

First. Make up your mind to be happy. Happiness is largely a matter of self-hypnotism. You can think yourself happy or you can think yourself miserable. It is up to you. Learn to find pleasure in simple things. If you can’t go to the opera, you can turn on the radio. Nail on your face the smile that won’t come off, and after a bit you will find that it comes naturally.

Second. Make the best of your lot. Of course, you’re not everything you want and things are not just right. Nobody is that lucky. Even the most fortunate have a lot of crumpled rose leaves under their forty mattresses of ease. There isn’t a single human being who hasn’t plenty to cry over, and the trick is to make the laughs outweigh the tears.

Third. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Don’t think that everything that happens to you is of world-shaking importance and that somehow you should have been protected from the misfortunes that befall other people. When death robs you of one you love, or you lose your job, don’t demand to know of high heaven why this should happen to you and grow rebellious and morbid over your sorrow. We are never happy until we learn to laugh at ourselves.

Fourth. Don’t take other people too seriously. They are not so much, anyway. Don’t let their criticisms worry you. You can’t please everybody, so please yourself. Don’t let your neighbors set your standards for you. Don’t run into debt trying to keep up with the Joneses, or bore yourself to death trying to be as intelligent as the Highbrows. Be yourself and do the things you enjoy doing if you want to be comfortable and happy.

Fifth. Don’t borrow trouble. You have to pay compound interest on that and it will bankrupt you in the end. It is a queer thing, but imaginary troubles are harder to bear than actual ones. There are none of us who have not lain awake at night petrified with dread of some calamity that we feared might befall us and that we felt would shatter our lives if it should occur. Generally it never happened, but if it did, it was not so bad after all and we survived it without serious injury. Enjoy today and let tomorrow take care of itself. There is no sounder adage than that which bids us not to trouble trouble until trouble troubles us. The only good that worrying ever did anyone was make him thin. It is grand for the figure but hard on the disposition.

Sixth. Don’t cherish enmities and grudges. Don’t keep up old quarrels. Don’t remember all the mean things people have done to you. Forget them. Hate is a dreadful chemical that we distill in our own hearts, that poisons our own souls. It takes all the joy out of life and hurts us far worse than it does anyone else. There is nothing so depressing as having a grudge against someone. Nothing makes a home so miserable as for the family not to be on good terms. Meeting someone you don’t speak to will spoil any party. So if you have an enemy, forgive him and kiss on both cheeks, not for his sake but simply because it is to making you unhappy and uncomfortable to be stirred up in wrath against him.

Seventh. Keep in circulation. Go around and meet people. Belong to clubs. Travel as much as you can. Have as many interests as possible. Have hosts of friends. That is the way to keep yourself cheerful and jolly and thinking that this is the best of all possible worlds.

Eighth. Don’t hold post-mortems. Don’t spend your life brooding over the mistakes you have made or the sorrows that have befallen on you. What is done is done and cannot be changed, but you can have your whole future life in which to make good. Not all the tears can bring back those we have lost, but we can make life miserable for ourselves and those about us by our unavailing weeping. Quit beating upon your breast because you haven’t as much money as you used to have. Don’t be one of those who never get over things. Have the courage to take misfortune on the chin and come up smiling.

Ninth. Do something for somebody less fortunate than yourself. Minister to other people’s trouble and you will forget your own. Happiness is a coin that we keep only when we give it away.

Tenth. Keep busy. That is the sovereign remedy for unhappiness. Hard work is a panacea for trouble. You never saw a very busy person who was unhappy.

2011-03-22T00:06:00.000+11:00

i feel as though my whole life has just been chasing after something i don't even know of- the thought of something better, easier and a whole lot more interesting are the kinds of things which make everything else so disposable. but it feels as though i am running out of that initial adrenaline, i am short of breath and somehow i just want something to hold on to.

2011-03-14T22:38:00.000+11:00

life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards.

looking back, the world works in strange ways. it feels as though every move you make is meant to be taken so that you lead on to where you are, yet in retrospect, nothing is ever expected and nothing really makes sense from the start of it all. there is so much going on in the world today it really scares me; the way everything seems to be just happening all the time, there is no more peace anywhere; just a lot of events.

2011-03-13T11:54:00.000+11:00

it has been awhile since i've updated, i have been keeping away from the internet where a thousand and one things flash before you and there isn't even a moment to make sense of it all. i have been back to reading, photographing, writing, and seeing - trying to make sense of a world far more complex each day. i find myself changing- the thoughts in my head growing, growing and growing, yet i've managed to keep a firm grasp on them unlike before. i don't find myself being unable to sleep either- somehow there is a comfort in this power i have over my thoughts; not letting them overcome everything else.

i wish there was a way to make people see that there is alot more going on beyond your screens, in the world, just basically everywhere you seek out. so often i find that the more we take on, we also lose more of ourselves, and that it is then our responsibility to stay true to a kind of notion we have for ourselves, rather than letting it be overcome by the flood of everything else. there are a hundred and one things we could do, but only a few that we will ultimately accomplish. and thus it makes more sense to dedicate ourselves to the little things, and then make sense of them as parts of a whole.

2011-03-07T00:15:00.001+11:00

things i did at the rock festival
1. got moshed in the pit
2. crowd surfed
3. sat on a couple of burly mens' shoulders
4. saw a woman flash her titties to the world
5. met die hard music fans
6. ate a potato swirly
7. volunteered at the gates
8. rocked out to rock legends
9. saw men peeing in public outdoor urinals
10. had an epic day

In the Night

2011-03-03T13:39:00.000+11:00

I am so used to photographing people, in action, that this time round I tried to explore the basic theme of light and forms without the integration of people whom I usually am drawn towards in capturing emotion and situations happening live. I call this set, 'In the Night..' It challenged me to look for forms and shapes under minimal lighting conditions, when shooting at night, and I was drawn towards mannequins, the dwellers of the city at night. It brought to mind ideas of them coming awake when the city was empty, another world amongst themselves. This set was quite spontaneous and I am quite unsatisfied with how it turned out, will probably roam the streets at night again soon, just thought I would share this initial process.

More on Flickr

2011-02-28T23:42:00.000+11:00

so some say we start dreaming in our heads but maybe, maybe we dream when we are awake. the realness of it all makes it seem impossible to live without the belief of what sweet bliss holds for us when we wake up to realise that everything we had ever wanted is and will come true.

055

2011-02-19T06:39:00.000+11:00

why are there a million things to do at night, but no time or thought for them during the day? maybe it is just me, and that my body clock revolves around the moon instead of the sun, but i just can't seem to sleep when the sky is dark and there is no noise around me. my thoughts are clearer, my mind is more awake, and i just feel less distracted from the commotion which surrounds me during the day.

it was my last day at work yesterday, one truly memorable day - especially the stench of green tea mix and whipped cream in my twice rinsed hair. it is funny how a simple decision in your life turns out to bring about the unexpected. i never thought i would meet such a great bunch of people who get along so well, like a family. i never thought i would learn so much in so little time, about working hard, listening, being patient and most of all, learning to speak out and come alive again in so many ways. i appreciate coffee ALOT more now, considering how much i drink each day at work. (maybe that is why im awake at this ungodly hour) i can't seem to put this whole event into a larger scale of how much i've come across in this short 3 months back home, but only in a way which is that sometimes it is the little things that matter the most.

what i take away from this is definitely the confidence i've gained in striving for something that i want, and believe in. i have seen how dedication and passion for something goes a long way when it comes to making things happen, and that it is the relationships you keep with the people around you that make a huge difference. i have definitely learnt something about myself in coming together with people i have never thought i would get along with, and finding out so many sides of a kind of unconventional bond .

this is for you guys!

2011-02-16T05:00:00.000+11:00

2011-02-09T04:35:00.000+11:00

six years ago i fell in love with a boy who made me feel as though i was on top of the world. i was incredibly happy in the days , and spent hours on the phone at night. we laughed, cried, and loved so hard, it was so painful when we fell apart. nobody understood me better, nobody could make me smile as hard.

the most difficult thing you face when you learn about love this way is the disbelief that something so perfect can end so simply. when you fall in love with somebody when you barely know what love is, you feel the most. because there is no preconceptions involved, and the whole world belong to the both of you, to discover together through the ups and downs.

it has been almost four years since we fell out, but the memories i keep of us are ones which can never be lost. it seems as though you are in every next boy i meet, hoping to live up to the expectations of something once so beautiful.

i don't regret what happened, i have learnt to accept the biggest challenge of all, which is forgiveness even without understanding. i have never admitted to being affected by all this publicly but it is true, the scars i carry with me are there, and perhaps there is the reason why i have not had a similar relationship since.

today i look back at how far we have come in our lives, from lovers to friends, and realise that when you share something special with somebody it is important to accept that there once was that love, instead of trying to move past it all. over the years i've come to see the good in our memories finally take over how much hurt and anger i felt towards you initially. it has taken me some time to get there, but when i found it, i believe i finally found my peace.

2011-02-06T16:00:00.000+11:00

reds, oranges, yellows.
the generous mix of these colors at this time of the year is spectacular. combine that with the celebrations together with all the people you love, packets of freely handed out money, lots and lots of good food, and you have yourself the most amazing time of the year.

i am not much of a traditional Chinese, or even much of a Chinese per say, but there is just something about their traditions, cultures and beliefs i am proud to say i belong to. without fail, this time of the year brings families back together without any obligations, to just share and be together. especially with a family like mine, it is amazing how time flies when we all get together.

when i walked into my grandmas house after having returned only several times since moving abroad, it just felt like coming back to the most precious place in my life, somewhere i know i can find all the love, support and security i would ever need no matter how far i went in life. the thing that most touched my heart was how many photographs, memories and treasures there were of my grandpa there were in the house. at first i was taken aback, used to the fact that when somebody moves on, you move on to. nevertheless, it wasn't like that- the pictures and notes around the house didn't make you feel any less sad that he wasn't there, but instead celebrated how much he was around, and will always be.

throughout the days i spent there, the little things made such an impact on me, how we spent every dinner at home, together. how we did things because we wanted to do it together, and how even though everyone had their scars, differences and setbacks in life, it was okay in that moment, because you knew we could all count on each other and that we would always have this.

in the night we made wishes on lanterns and let them float into the sky.

closing my eyes and making a wish for the future, i realised that there wasn't much i wanted if not to always have the love of the most precious people to me, and to always, always have a place to call home.

we all share the pain of our histories, but at this moment, everything is all you need.

2011-01-23T04:02:00.001+11:00

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-25T14:33:00.000+11:00

Merry Christmas readers! An update for you to enjoy today . :]

More on Flickr

Appreciation

2010-12-23T02:42:00.000+11:00

lately my nights have been sleepless, and my head clouded by thoughts. i think i live too much in my head and now these thoughts are haunting me at night, driven by the prospects of what is missing in reality. i look forward to the new year, it is a time for new beginnings and somehow i believe it is a new beginning i am desperately in need of.

one night while my thoughts kept me up, i began to question where i am. i believe i live sparingly, afraid of mistakes and trusting people. i don't remember when i first started this way, but it is evident in my thoughts and actions each time. this slowly grew into envy for the life i wish i had, and i began to lose perspective instead, on what i have. i wanted people to change for me, instead of being the best person i could for myself.

yet, i began noticing the beauty in people, an example is this girl in the picture. she is somebody i admire, she lives her life based on her passions and holds strongly to her thoughts. there is no doubt in her mind about who she is and it is beautiful. she inspired me to see beyond just myself and to appreciate everything i had begun to take for granted in my life - my family, my home, my friends and my talents. i don't believe our paths crossed without reason, my life has always had reasons in which i cannot seem to explain but work in favor of me in every way. i was a scared person, afraid of sharing and believing in the goodness of other people, and somehow, it has begun to strike me how much i lose out when i see the world behind a closed mind.

in this new year, i am going to start an album documenting the love i see each day in my life. the beauty in people, and joys and challenges faced in shared company. i believe it is people - family ,friends, acquaintances, and chance encounters which have always inspired me and made me who i am today. i want to be able to look and be able to see the all the sides in people and to gain a new perspective in life- away from one which harbors the doubts I've been keeping inside of me for so long. this will be a 365 day album, something i have never taken on before, yet i look forward to it.

bring on the new year.

2010-12-17T04:02:00.000+11:00

It has been more than a year since I've started this blog, and even more since I've starting writing and posting my thoughts online. It has become somewhat of a sacrilegious routine for me, writing. I believe there will be a day when I will be unable to vocally express myself anymore but there will never be a day when I am incapable of stringing words together in a sentence, though writing. I don't know if I write well, perhaps I fool myself with this, but it is something which brings a sort of ritual satisfaction that I don't think anything else can replace. So recently I've been thinking about why I do this, and what drives the urge to put together words even when there are no thoughts in my head. I realize when writing, I have time to construct my thoughts, as they often scatter among the processing and delivery of them into words uttered aloud. I used to write to reassure myself, as I feel reassured by eloquently put sentences, and sometimes it brings about a certain beauty which is not often present in carelessly worded phrases or spur of the moment thoughts. Words can be read by an individual, the perfect tone, intonation and timing can send different signals. Words are my comfort I suppose, words are not impounded upon a person, but is rather subjective to be received by you on your choice to carry or reading and objectively assess what is written. Grammar and vocabulary are beautiful, beautiful ways to express a certain feeling or emotion, as a single word can communicate a feeling by which no other means can communicate in various hues and tones. I love it, pictures, words, sentences, they are beautiful.

recently I started immersing myself into a new language, Chinese, which is not foreign to a person like me. yet along the way, I lost touch with this language, and it subsequently led to me being left out of a world so unique and interesting, as well as a culture which is in my own blood. I am determined to learn this language, and even more in the future, as I believe I fully understand now the significance of it all. that communication cannot be taken for granted, and everything we do needs to be communicated one way or another.

besides that, i found myself thinking more about my attitudes in life, and the way I receive and react to certain situations. Through my assessments I have found that I am truly an irrational person, and that my reactions are quite impulsive. I suppose it is important then for me to take more time to think about situations when they occur and face them bravely with the confidence and skill of what I have learnt within these 18 years. I've also begun to see the need to act as an individual, and start doing things for myself, instead of worrying about how to please others. It is a scary thing, to think that you have to face the world alone, and make choices for yourself. I certainly find it very scary, but there seems to be an urge now for me, to make decisions on my own conscience and choices, even though it may not be something which is unanimous. Also, as a competitive person, I think I am beginning to see that it is more beneficial for everyone to succeed, than succeed on the loss of somebody else. I want to create my own success, my own happiness, and that tough times are not something you face alone, it is a shared feeling, and that each person deals with it in their own way. I suppose that by being positive and focused on your own success, it might just create a ripple effect, but that is something that you don't deal with, but allow it to happen on its own. I suppose the hardest part is to be assured that things will work out on its own, and not everything is capable of achievement within your own hands. Sometimes we have to let go of things we want, and people we love in order to find ourselves, and most importantly have faith that we will find ourselves amongst the chaos and misdirection. I am a lost soul, a wanderer, but that does not mean that I don't belong, it just means I have yet to find what I am looking for.

2010-12-13T04:38:00.001+11:00

This is the first time I have been without my camera, and somehow I feel disabled, much like missing an arm, or an eye. My baby is somewhere far away, hopefully safe and secure. I had such an urge to take pictures today, and since I could not do that, I dug up some of my old shots and these are what I found. Looking at old shots gives you a new outlook on what they were like when you first took them. I began to see my composition, colours, lights and subjects which I chose. I found that the old pictures which I found myself really drawn towards were ones with a character in it, people, animals, objects. I like framing moments with a subject and capturing a moment in time when that subject was at just that way, with the lights, expressions, form and such. I guess I pay alot of attention to my photos these days, it is like suddenly a passion ignited in me and I wanted to do something about it. Being without my camera has made me even more aware of how much I am reliant on it these days. I don't understand this passion, and sometimes I doubt the current path I am taking, as it sometimes strikes me , the indifference I feel towards that, and this, my photography. I know I barely know anything, but somehow I find myself assured that I will find all that I need to know, and all that I want is to be aware of this. I hope you readers enjoy the pictures I take, and I would love feedback as well for them, if any.

This is to a long journey ahead!

2010-12-04T21:37:00.000+11:00

Home

2010-12-02T02:17:00.000+11:00

The warm, damp air is surprisingly comforting, the familiar faces of family and friends welcomes me back to the place I call home. It has been like waking up from a dream to find yourself safe in a familiar bed, trying to readjust to the reality of where you are and where you come from.

It is moments like these where I wish I had a camera in my hands and the ability to capture the feelings which comes with being back home. The comfort of being with family and the security felt between the four walls lined with childhood memories, the joy of seeing old friends, and the feeling as if time had not passed at all. The strange feeling of reconciling with those lost along the path, weathered by years, to come out with the joy of that recognition of your smile.

We drove four hours back and forth to Malacca today, the absence of a rush or a deadline was strange yet soothing. The undeveloped roads and busy freeways lined with tropical plants was oddly different, somehow the city had changed in my eyes. I noticed details and the lack of development that I once overlooked. It was not sad, it was more of a humbling moment to go back to where I grew up and to be reminded of my upbringing. I am proud to be a Malaysian, and coming home for a place like Melbourne, where everything is there for your disposal, is strangely disorientating. There is a mixed feeling of comfort and joy in the simplicity of it all, yet discontentment in the realization of a potential left untouched.

In this setting, one awakes to feeling torn between the two realities when deciding one's future. So often do I tell myself and others that I know what I want for the future, and that I don't feel obliged to remain here, yet is it really that easy to pick up yourself, dig up your roots and begin life anew in a strange place you claim to know so much, yet know barely enough of? In my life I have traveled and lived abroad, but there is always the comfort of knowing there is somewhere to go home to. But what happens when the decision is up to you, and no longer up to others around you. What do you choose when you have all the options in the world?

These questions strangely come to mind in this situation. I don't know why but along the passing of time I have grown, in the way I see things, and how I respond to them. Suddenly it feels as though there is so much responsibility upon my shoulders and the will to decide where my path takes me in the future is something I consider much much more now.

But for now, I am glad to be in this place I call home.

2010-11-24T00:50:00.000+11:00

It came to me so strangely, yet has such a profound affect of how I now view things, and I hope to continue this way.

For so long I have always embraced the idea of being young, foolish and carefree. Now as the year approaches another end I begin to reflect upon what it really means to be a youth and it is really a time to embrace that curiosity that exists within one at this age.

Being young means having opportunities, having passions and the energy to chase dreams and build an identity for oneself. Being young is about being able to handle the complexities and challenges in life because of that naivety which still exists to fuel the curious mind. What was always the image of a perfect life represented on a linear scale of school to university to job to family to success is an always will be a false pretense to simplify the complexities which comes with being a youth in transition to adulthood. But now I have come to embrace that complexity, and even search for more as it is what makes life exciting. I don't want a simple life. I don't want to grow old and never have failed in my life. I don't want to chase the 'right' one for me, or have the dream job which everyone aspires to. I want to go on adventures, I want to be able to wake up each day with fresh new stories and not be dictated by these rules of life that somebody created which everyone seems to have accepted. I wish to have my own story, one unlike yours, one which is unique that has ups and downs, rights and lefts, even loops ands bends because it makes life really worthwhile. We all are so used to shying away from failures, upsets, letdowns and down points in our lives as if it is something to be ashamed of. Let me tell you that it is not, that sadness is indeed a human emotion, one just like being happy, or scared, or anxious or even lost. There is no 'good' or 'right' emotion, but just a range and variety to choose from. We may not like the unpleasantness which comes with it, but that might just be a result of what is fed to us by people telling us how to live. I say embrace all your emotions equally, feel joy, feel sadness, feel that raw pain of being lost and alone in the world, because then you know that your heart and your head really works and you are not just running on autopilot.

I believe that is what being young is about, learning to feel, learning to accept, learning, learning , learning and never giving up on that spirit inside of you .

2010-11-22T16:40:00.001+11:00

Allison Scarpulla

we have a flawed friendship. we are two souls lost from ourselves and the world. it is a beautiful comfort i share in your presence, the way words do not need to be spoken to be felt. i love you but there is always more to that. but for one night i felt alive again, as if I was finally somebody, even if it was just anybody to you.

2010-11-22T00:20:00.002+11:00

Visited the flea market today at Camberwell. It was such fun digging through all the stalls in search for hidden treasures. There was a lot to see! I managed to find this working film camera on sale for $5! It has a wide and telephoto lens which is pretty cool and it works! with a blinding flash as well! Look forward to film shots soon?

On ground zero

2010-11-18T16:37:00.000+11:00

From the positive feedback I received over the previous shoot, I was inspired to take more photos, this time in an element which I am more passionate about, street photography. There is something raw and realistic in taking photos on the ground, within the life of the city. Capturing faces which are bare, unrefined and 'in the moment'. It was certainly an experience for me, as this was the first time I actually went out with a camera and the intention of capturing the city and the people , as it is. There was definitely a lot of missed opportunities, creepy stalking and juggling of technicalities with the camera as this time everything was timing, timing, timing! One moment a person's face could be at the right angle, in the right kind of light, with the emotions which would make a beautiful image, yet a second later that same face has changed. Also, I found myself shy and afraid to take pictures of people, as if the camera was a weapon in which I could use to invade into these private moments and personal lives of people. It was hard to adjust and blend into a crowd as ironically, a camera draws out the attention of people to look, to take alert, and maybe to say

'Out of everyone in this world, look at me'.

Nevertheless, after a while, that uneasiness around the camera became something I wanted to use, to capture that gaze of strangers, that eye contact with the lens. It was strange, I didn't know if I should pretend or to acknowledge the person when I consciously snapped at them, taking away and materializing this moment with them in it. I suppose that is the beauty I find in photographing on the streets. You get to capture a moment, immortalize time, or rather a moment in time and draw out a story from that moment. I told a friend 'I wish my eyes were cameras, and then I could just blink and capture every moment without the trouble and uneasiness'. His response was simple 'If it were that way, then no moment would be special anymore'.

I hope you enjoy these photos. Please check out my Flickr (Link on the right) for some extras

Me and my coconut pod hat . I think this look suits me...hmm..

Spring

2010-11-16T02:22:00.003+11:00

I love her :)

My first 'official' photoshoot - equipped with my 17-85mm lens , cat ears , a bag of chocolates an one fantastic model, I managed to take almost 300 shots, but only 23 of them making the cut! Well, I still have plenty to learn ! Hopefully you enjoy them, and more to come soon!

2010-11-13T02:14:00.000+11:00

2am , on the balcony and feeling the cold summer breeze on my face. it is times like these that make a hard day at work, or a tough week feel like a million miles away. but there is an emptiness in the silent streets, where the rushing of cars echo loudly and the horns and sirens remind us of the lives that continue to be lead, even at dark. somehow, being up here alone feels remarkably tranquil, as if the world belongs to me . yet there is no one there to share that beautiful , passing moment. it seems as though there are no words which can be spoken at a time like this, and maybe the only thing i want right now is the presence and understanding felt through an unspoken , shared understanding of this;

that we are all alone in this world and that maybe, maybe i would like to share this loneliness with you.

2010-11-06T11:28:00.000+11:00

Compositing Breakdown (T&S) from Alex Roman on Vimeo.

2010-11-05T23:57:00.003+11:00

Being a wanderer in this world , floating on by.

2010-10-31T04:14:00.002+11:00

Practicing my shooting and editing with Laila. Had heaps of fun sitting by the pier and just chatting and feeling the ocean air! More shoots to come soon!

Adam Batchelor

2010-10-31T02:37:00.000+11:00

"Adam Batchelor's illustrations are of cute kids. Kind of. His thought-provoking artworks deal with the unsettling reality of Western consumer culture's reach and influence. Britain-born Batchelor's images of children from developing countries decked out in Nikes, holding American flags, wearing Mickey Mouse ears, even Lady Gaga's Kermit dress are beautifully drawn – these kids are real – and very sensitively created.

Says the artist himself: "My work is about the human relationship with its culture. Currently I like to explore a juxtaposition between pop consumer imagery and people from the real world, mostly from developing countries.""

- lifelounge.com

Just something to provoke your minds

2010-10-23T22:52:00.001+11:00

The thing about being a writer is that you are always thinking about stories to tell. Everything must have its beginning, middle and end. Some moments are simple, they happen once and they leave you with a beautiful memory or a scar which you carry with you. But these moments live in the time in which they happen, and not more. There are other stories which transcend over time to become a series of moments. It plays out day after day without you realizing anything significant until that tipping point when everything changes and you are never the same. These moments can build up into something beautiful and it gets even better because the story has yet to find its perfect ending. And then there are other moments, when the meaningful, beautiful parts have happened and you know there should be an end, even if it is an unhappy one. And yet you never give up on that story because you want it to last, because the person you met, the moments you shared, the touching of lives is so significant that it couldn't possibly come to a close. And these stories are the worst, because it plays out and time is no friend. Time distorts the minds and creates a distance which transcends space and leaves you confused. And time makes you anticipate and wish you had more.

In all my stories, there is always a beginning, middle and end. In the new ones I encounter each day, I feel as though I know someday it will end, just as the others. And yet there is one story which I can never find an ending to. I thought it had gone so far past being a story that I gave up on it. And yet somehow, everyday, I find myself questioning what happened along the way. It scares me so much to think that somehow this memory will hold on to me, unfinished and unable to be complete, because maybe, maybe I don't want to accept the ending it already had.

Let me tell you a story

2010-10-22T19:53:00.000+11:00

Picture by Adri

Drunk on life, fueled by the sun

The youth will be young at heart.

Favourite time of the Day

2010-10-20T23:18:00.000+11:00

This is my favourite time of the day. It lasts for just a few minutes. It is when the sun begins to set and my room is embodied in a pale orange light making everything look so magical. It is the time of day when everything feels so beautiful and romantic and I like to just lie there and soak up everything that is around me. It is a moment in time when there is no need for artificial lighting, nor is there a glare which streaks everything white. It is a perfect moment in time which only lasts for a few minutes. Then, it is gone and all I have left is the stuff in my room, back to being stuff. It seems then to say that one minute you can look at something in a whole different light and see something else from all the times you have been looking at it. It is in that shift of perspective that you might uncover a beautiful moment, thought or discovery which has eluded you before. I wish these perfect moments could last. But that is the beauty of perfect, it leaves you and therefore you cherish it for as long as you can.

2010-10-19T20:39:00.000+11:00

Years from now I will look back and laugh at the crazy, reckless things I did, and regret the fear I might have held on to for not being able to let myself go. Years from now I don't want to be the person to be silent without stories to tell, and secrets to revel in. I don't want to look back years from now and never be able to see myself struggle and to find a happy ending to unpleasant times and say I knew it would end well.

Its all messed up, my hopes and dreams for myself. I don't see myself anywhere. Its scary to think that maybe I don't want to see myself anywhere because I don't want to know what the future holds for me. I'm unstable, indecisive and yet I find every moment worth living and every chance worth grasping right in front of me now.

There is only so much fear we can hold on to. Incapacitate ourselves with doubt and judgement by others only to realize later along the road that it didn't matter. It is inevitable, the end. We all die and somewhere along the road we just have to tell ourselves that there is no limit to how far we can go because we already know where we are heading.

PARA-fking-MORE

2010-10-14T00:45:00.000+11:00

13 October 2010

Paramore: awesome sounds, awesome sites (2 hours on tiptoe) , an awesome t-shirt! and the best part of the night ; leaving the concert later than usual only to see a white van containing HAYLEY WILLIAMS & the band leaving! I love Melbourne traffic. Made it so much easier to chase hot celebrities down the street just to scream out their names in total fangirl mode!

The van speeeeeeding past

Our Paramore t-shirts!

A night to remember for sure.

Don't Lose Your Trust

2010-10-11T22:35:00.000+11:00

We're Making History

2010-10-10T02:12:00.000+11:00

K@osmos : aerial choreography/live rock music

Max Brenners : Belgian waffles @ 11pm

Dhanika & Nadia

Bonjour! This is Jean

Wowo!

Red Bennies : Funk/Soul/Jazz cabaret club photobooth

2010-10-06T21:33:00.000+11:00

2 am

the world comes alive in sketches

2010-10-06T01:06:00.000+11:00

Things To Do To Make Anyone Feel Better:

1. Don't do what you are supposed to do

2. Drink a large glass of iced tea with a slice of lemon

3.Blast music in your room and dance like no tomorrow

4. Call the person you find the easiest to talk to about nothing at all

5. Look at the first picture of that fluffy bunny

6. EAT

7. Lie in bed awake with the windows thrown open and just be.

8. Make piggy noises with your nose

9. Look at old, awkward photos of yourself and laugh at how dorky you looked

10. Now that you feel happy, spread it to someone else

☼

2010-10-05T10:33:00.000+11:00

Architecture & Design Film Festival

Headspace 1 has been featured in the NY Architecture & Design Film Festival! So proud!

2010-10-03T13:09:00.000+11:00

How I wish the holidays never end. It has been such an incredible 14 days of break I have had in a while. So many new discoveries and places I have left my mark, relationships with people have grown stronger and more stories have been told to signify this path I find myself on ,often with great surprise and unending gratitude. But I guess this is just another phase in my life full of surprises to which I can contemplate with and never cease to question to what extent I did deserve. I can't wait for more exciting futures to come, but until then I leave you with this quote from a dear friend to which I have recently found great meaning;

Not all those who wander are lost - J.R.R. Tolkien

2010-10-02T00:45:00.001+10:00

It amazes me how much I both fear and appreciate constancy.

In a fight to obtain and learn as much as possible while maintaining the sanity which comes with being grounded, exists the love-hate relationship between ritualistic routines and schedules. There has rarely been a time when one awakes without knowing or planning the day ahead. There are always deadlines to meet, functions to attend and most basic needs such as breakfast/lunch/dinner time schedules to keep. Almost like machines, we are slaves to the routine in which our body functions and the constancy which exists around us , try as hard as we may to break these bonds.

how then does one appreciate spontaneity and free will? it seems as though we are constantly hooked and drawn-back to our basic instincts of commonplace routines and there is no break from this. we must eat to live and schedule our hours to obey our bodies, the selfish, demanding being who does not negotiate. we live in capsules, our flesh and bones supplied by a tankful of blood; feeds us, and keeps us alive. alive in what sense other than to function within our physicality.

it is valid then to want to live a life solely of dreams and thoughts? who says we have to exist by physical means alone? we could construct a world within our heads and participate there where there are no laws of gravity, form or function. we could be free to morph and take on a life of whatever we choose. after all, we exist merely through our perceptions of our mind.

lately i have been questioning myself and the way in which surface character plays such a huge role in defining who we are. this especially occurs in todays media in which we are obsessed with image without much definition of what is beyond that. our generation idolizes imagery and takes on a stance of apathy that stems from the point of only what we see and not what we truly believe in. this occurs a lot in art and fashion to fuel consumerism today. it is not something we can easily detach ourselves from, but surely must be something we must stop and consider. consider the last time you judged somebody because of how they looked? consider the last time you thought about changing your image without considering perhaps changing something more meaningful beneath the physical appearance. and consider why you have these thoughts?

nevertheless, what it comes down to is what it is, and the physicality of ourselves is a part of that. there is no denying the importance of it and how it relates to ourselves. i just think we should consider our actions in relation to this and how physicality does not justify somebody wholly and it is important to keep an open mind of what we perceive. sounds easy enough?

All The Things that I've Done

2010-09-28T00:18:00.000+10:00

Just spent four days travelling to the beautiful city of Sydney!

More pictures to be up soon

The Shadow in which we leave behind

2010-09-20T19:50:00.000+10:00

The streets were practically glowing from the reflections across the street in this shot, lucky to have caught it!

RANDOM

2010-09-19T21:23:00.000+10:00

Just got a bunch of new CD's and I am so so so excited to just lock myself up in my room and work on something while listening to them ; Lights- The Listening, 30 Seconds to Mars- This is War, Nevershoutnever- Harmony, The Script- Science and Faith, and Sufjan Stevens- All Delighted People! I am always looking for new music so if you have any rad suggestions, holla!

And my break officially begins! Two weeks, which is absolutely wonderful considering I don't get much of a break throughout the year. My cousin and I have organised a trip to Sydney! I am so excited! We are going to bunk in a backpackers motel and travel like nomads without a care in the world. Also, we've booked spots to climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge (AHH!!) which is definitely going to be the highlight of the trip. Can you believe it is a 3 hour climb and costs $198 !!!! I am COMPLETELY broke now. Absolutely, I am going to live on Maggie cups and free food from work from now till the end of the year. Luckily I've been able to grab extra shifts at work and pay off most of the flight/accomodation expenses (yay!) because I want to be able to say I saved up for this trip instead of relying on my parents because they did not work hard for me to go on a holiday! :) I am looking forward to Sydney so so so much! Those who have been there, any ideas of places or free/cheap things to do?

I had a few more things to say, but I shall leave you now for more suspense in upcoming blog posts! I shall leave you with this ;

hehehe

The Yellow Scooter

2010-09-17T20:01:00.000+10:00

HEADSPACE 1

2010-09-16T23:47:00.002+10:00

HEADSPACE 1 - showcase from Stanislav Roudavski on Vimeo.

Semester one's virtual modelling class showcase! Watch it! :) I am so proud

2010-09-16T01:38:00.002+10:00

Washed up Sun

2010-09-14T18:34:00.000+10:00

Look A Little Closer

2010-09-11T22:44:00.000+10:00

A short series of close-ups done around the house to illustrate the beauty in detail. These pictures demonstrate how simple objects when seen as the subject, can become beautiful. That scale does play a role in how we perceive reality. These pictures were inspired by Dhanika's new macro lens, as well as the idea which has been buzzing around in my head about 'humble beginnings' and how we all start small and we all have to start somewhere as nobody, in order to become somebody. A thought worth exploring? Hope you enjoy.

2010-09-07T14:26:00.001+10:00

For one day

2010-09-04T01:16:00.000+10:00

Try this out one day, go out there and immerse yourself into the world of strangers. Feel the feeling of being a sole individual in the mass pool of beings. Embrace the feeling of not knowing, of not being known. Give stories to those who walk past and create worlds for them in the space of unknown. Smile, share, receive - leave everything out there. Share yourself, your glances, your giggles, your smiles. Take nothing. In an untainted setting of the unknown, you find that you discover so many things which make you smile. You surprise yourself with the beauty which is the world. The non-linear, random, spontaneous world. The world where anything is possible. There are no judgments because nobody knows you, and you do not know anybody. Relish in that, bask in the uncertainty and feel. Just feel. Once you've done that, talk to somebody. The guy next to you in the line, the girl sitting on the bench, the salesperson who wont leave you alone. Tell them about your day, tell them a story about a life you have never lived. Create an image of the person you see yourself as, not as who others say you are. Nobody expects you to be any certain way. You are who you are at that moment. Make somebody laugh, dance when everyone is watching. And after that, bow. Say goodbye to those faces because you will never ever see them again. The world readjusts and the pool of people dissapear and new souls blossom. The bowl is shook and the molecules move apart and rearrange themselves. You can be somebody else now. You constantly evolving person you. You are not defined by time, by space, by anything. Just by the moment in which you define yourself. What a beautiful day. After that, go home. Go home and go back to being stable, sane, sincere. Go back to a life of routine. But remember the day you were anybody. Somebody, everybody. The day you had no expectations and none given to you. And smile, because that was a beautiful, beautiful day indeed.

2010-08-31T23:22:00.001+10:00

Make a wish and place it in your heart. Anything you want, everything you want. Do you have it? Good. Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from, the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it’s right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it. You just might get the thing you’re wishing for. The world is full of magic. You just have to believe in it. So make your wish. Do you have it? Good. Now believe in it. With all your heart.

LUCAS SCOTT (ONE TREE HILL, EPISODE 5.13: ECHOES, SILENCE, PATIENCE AND GRACE )

Jello speed

2010-08-30T13:03:00.000+10:00

This week has been busy, busy, busy. With assignments to complete, site visits to go to, people to meet, places to go, things to do, choices to make I am just literally exhausted. Today I spent four hours just lying in bed falling in and out of sleep, trying to muster up the strength to get out of bed but couldn't find any possible energy left. I just feel as though I really need a break now from everything. Just a day at least to lie down and do nothing. I want time to move at Jello speed please. Like a snail. Just gliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiding along.

I am so excited about a few things I have lined up to do this upcoming months :

1. Life drawing classes

2. Watch Mary Poppins the musical

3. Watch Paramore in concert (!!!)

4. Go to New Zealand at the end of the year for a photography trip with my dad.

5. Spend Christmas in Singapore.

6. Finally get a three month holiday at the end of the year to just kick back and relax and see everyone, maybe go on a group holiday!

7. Save up for new shoessss (SHOES, YAY)

And there should be alot more planned. I need to get organised and make time to fit EVERYTHING in. I'm so excited. I wish my body could respond the same way as I am feeling now. All it wants to do is lie down and sleep forever.

I am so tired.

chugggghachuggaa!

What are your plans? :)

2010-08-22T23:34:00.000+10:00

Today I remember the day everything changed for me; today is about remembering you and how much you meant to me. This time last year, was the moment when I realized really clearly what really mattered in my life, which is family, the simple things, and being selfless. There is so much I can say about how much you taught me, and how much the words you said affected me, and how I always keep you in my thoughts each day. And I just want to dedicate this post to an amazing man who is always remembered. I love you grandpa. And I miss you.

2010-08-22T15:25:00.000+10:00

In a society run by hierarchy, order and control of power, how will you ever survive if you don't fight?

Underneath a well organised, beneficial and influential organisation, there is always the factor which drives it, the business which needs to be run. There can be no supply without a demand, and thinking about it, it is not just monetary or object demand, but even the demand of rights, and the respect that should be granted to every individual. Morals are hypocritical. Why? Because we all have them, yet most of us use it to get ahead. We are nice to people because we want something, or because it serves our conscience. There is never not a reason to do anything. We are all driven by the demands of ourselves, the values we put forth to determine who we are. This is not always a bad thing, don't get me wrong. Nevertheless, most of the time, values and morals are understood better so that we can use them to our advantage. A big part of me growing up was realizing that there is always many dimensions and sides to everything. There is no straightforward path, reason or instinct into why we do something. This is why I try my best never to judge people, because that just means you put a permanent label onto what you think that person is, be it his/her character, values, course of actions. But in reality, nobody is just that. A selfish person is never completely and incoherently selfish all his/her life. Every action and decision made by him/her determines another side of that person. We are all beings in the making, and we never make it to our own premiere until the day we die (and even then we don't get to see who we are). In this sense, we can only hope to make the best decisions for ourselves, because nobody else is going to make these decisions for us. We all need to supply ourselves with whatever it is we aim for, to meet the demands of what we set out for ourselves. We can never know what another person wants, needs, or should have.

Nothing happens without a reason, and without action there is no reaction. This world is too big for any of us to figure out what many of these reasons are, but there is only one way to allow ourselves the things we want to achieve, and that is by asking for it, working for it, showing up, being there, and making a genuine effort. We may believe that we deserve something, but if we don't speak up, say something or do anything to even move an inch closer to what we want, chances are, nothing is going to change.

So why wait?

2010-08-19T00:08:00.000+10:00

What does it mean to be somebody?

I hardly know where these quintessentially random questions come from, but they seem to be dominating my mind all the time. Does anyone think of them? I doubt so, because then there would be an overflow of wrinkles of such young faces and minds. I wish I could answer a question in a single word. Because a single word sums everything up so simply. Like love. Nobody seems to understand what that word means, but everyone knows what it is. Which is two completely different things if you ask me. Therefore, understanding what it means to be somebody might not justify knowing who you are and what you might be doing as that somebody.

I feel as though I haven't written a proper post in a very long time. There is something about me that is always itching to write, but there never seems to be the proper string of words which can accurately express the jumble which is in my mind. I find writing easier than speaking, words expressed in sentences properly structured articulate something much more elegant and purposeful than the arrangement of sounds at the spur of the moment in which the brain ignites a thought. Sadly, I don't push myself to write and I don't push myself enough to make myself good at one thing that I truly love. It's hard to want to always do so many things at once and face the challenges that comes with juggling it. Soon, the chaos which erupts eventually overcomes the passion which stimulated the interest in the first place. Sometimes I wish I could see past the chaos and overlook the mess. Instead, accept that it is part of getting there, and that getting there is the whole point of going in the first place, if you know what I mean. Oftentimes we set out hoping to achieve a goal, and in the end we are never truly satisfied with what we achieve. It is more the satisfaction of the journey and the hardships and the perseverance which constantly whispers in our ear and encourages us to carry on. Oftentimes it is the little moments which shape us and define us. We rarely look back and determine a moment when everything changed. It's more like the period of time in which we allowed ourself to evolve. It's strange how people have such short time frames. We wear watches on our wrists which tell us to count the seconds, planting seeds of impatience in our mind. What we should be recording and worrying about is the moments that pass us, and the opportunities that we allow to go by. We shouldn't be waiting for the right time, but instead create the time for ourselves to make the right moves, choices, decisions. We shouldn't allow 3 slender hands to dictate what we can or cannot do at this moment. It's strange. Everything we do is strange, and we don't seem to realise it.

Can you believe I wrote all that without a pause? It's strange how my fingers seem to know more about what I want to express that i could ever say out loud. I don't believe I have a true purpose in what I'm writing now, only that I know I want to write and that writing makes everything seem much more perspectively accurate. I don't claim to know what I'm saying nor do I claim to know much of anything really. All I know is that sometimes you have a feeling and you just run with it. Nothing is ever really set in stone and nothing is ever right or wrong, only what you make it to be. Strange how we don't wake up already knowing these things. Strange how I don't seem to make sense from one sentence to the next. Maybe it is time I leave you here to think about everything that's ever happened to you and ask yourself is this where you want to be and where are you heading? Because maybe its the thought that counts to being somebody.

2010-08-17T02:01:00.000+10:00

A slight bombardment of insanely creative and entertaining films based on the Bartlett School of Architecture's year end summation. Can you believe this is Year ONE? This is one the of the reasons why I love design/architecture. It's mad. It's just full of nutters gone wild on ideas and caffeine and it's all about digging deeper and deeper and never finding the answers yet you get to challenge yourself in so many ways and discover so so so many things. I am so inspired right now.

2010-08-16T13:53:00.000+10:00

So what, so I've got a smile on me
but it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
Don't believe me
When I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but
that's the danger in going my own way
I guess it's the price I have to pay
still "Everything happens for a reason"
is no reason not to ask myself

- John Mayer (Why Georgia?)

2010-08-10T10:15:00.000+10:00

Melbourne Art Fair 2010

2010-08-09T20:01:00.000+10:00

Recently visited the Melbourne Art Fair Exhibition. There were heaps of spectacular contemporary works by artists from all around the world. Basically, it was a place where major galleries exhibited their works under one roof. I was lucky to find time to make it as it only lasted for 4 days. Didn't manage to get that many pictures because I was too awestruck by the works. Here are some I took ;

Peter Madden

Extraordinary paper works. Sadly, I don't think my pictures did him any justice and I couldn't Google a proper website for you to see his works. It's basically layer after layer of intricate and detailed images from magazines placed in glass and framed to tell a bigger story out of smaller elements. Incredibly detailed and some of the images looked like they were floating in space. Some of his works had really whimsical themes that made you laugh. This shows how profound details can have to a work!

Crazy butterfly tree. I will make something like this for my room

Bird tree

A play on scale. Almost didn't notice this tiny little housefly made out of paper.

Necropolis. Incredibly detailed

Forgot who this is by.

Art in context?

Use of materials. There were even crazier ones like squashed bottles made out of wood that looks so incredibly real and a squashed balloon animal made out of STONE. Imagine that. You probably can't. It's insane! Must find a picture of that online somewhere.

Don't really know what this was about but it was creepy.

Ok I wish I was this creative.

2010-08-08T21:14:00.000+10:00

Update:

It has been a really silly week. Not enough time, but way too much freedom to spare. Just yesterday I played random, self-indulgent dress-up in my room. I've also expanded my ukulele vocabulary with a few additional songs, although my guitar skills have barely improved. Another afternoon was spent browsing for books in every section of the bookstore, just to use a 40% discount coupon. Didn't manage to buy a book, because I'm really picky about them. Any suggestions? I've also managed to get my hands on trying oil painting. It's quite a pain in the ass if you don't know what you are doing, but definitely fun to work with. Also, I've been spending alot of time at work and trying to muster up the courage to ask for a raise. And university has definitely started to kick in, as assignments come pouring in. My new semester resolution is to always be up to date with assignments! No more slacking off and rushed submissions! So far, I'm doing pretty good I can say. Okay off to do something productive!

the simple things

2010-08-04T21:32:00.000+10:00

Amidst the crowd

2010-08-02T20:01:00.000+10:00

One billion souls, how is it that we often feel so alone?

Showstopper

2010-08-01T01:16:00.000+10:00

So, AJ Rafael came to town this week for a Soul Good performance and the lovely Maureen & I went for the show. It was such a low-key yet high energy performance by a true talent! If you don't already know and is amazed by his work, check him out on Youtube.

Ok, slightly off topic but PANDA BACKPACK?! OMG. I want.

At the risk of sounding like a total fan-girl I will elaborate on this picture :

So we stand in the long line to meet AJ and we decide we can't wait. Then we head towards the exit and guess who's there! AJ! Maureen had the most funniest reaction as she was literally starstruck and caught off guard by the fact that he was actually standing there, and about how cute he was in real life. Nevertheless, I whip out my camera and AJ gives me this unbelievably Asian pose (Asian pride,yo!) and all i get is this blurry image of him. Then I ask if I could take a picture with him and these mean bodyguards surround me and go like 'Oh no get in the line!' It was so sad. But AJ says to me 'Aww, I'm sorry' and was all apologetic and I say "Aww, it's okay, but byeeee' and he is so sweet he was like reaching out and went 'awww, byeee!' back!!!

Okay I know when I read this back in a few months I will realise how much I sound like a doofus right now, but we all appreciate the small encounters with the famous once in a while. And I dont mind because consider him an inspiration because his music is great and he worked hard to get to where he is.

Now I have the sudden urge to play my guitar. Until next time!

the skeletons are getting old

2010-07-30T23:56:00.000+10:00

Years from now, you and I will be on display for all that we've done

Disease

2010-07-28T01:22:00.000+10:00

Say goodbye to the doubts that infect your mind

July

2010-07-26T21:20:00.000+10:00

I had the most fun three weeks I've had all year. Country hopping was a privilege I'm lucky to have and seeing everyone again and being able to relax after such a hectic few months was great. Let's see if a few pictures can sum up the past week I've had.

Inez having her first Melbourne sushi

Shanghai Art Market

Shanghai

Shanghai Expo 2010: UK Pavillion

Fun with friends

Cooking with Mama Kart

Reunion of friends

The only thing missing is a family picture, which unfortunately I did not get to take, but I managed to spend quality time with the family, which is the best thing all throughout the trip back home. It's surprising how distance and time changes you, but everyone still accepts you as you are.

On another note, I have discovered an amazing sculptor; Jason deCairnes Taylor who designs underwater sculptures to promote awareness of the importance of coral & marine ecosystems. These are amazing and definitely moving.

Man on Fire

Lost correspondent

Dream collector

Vicissitudes

Keep moving forward!

they will see us waving from such great heights

2010-07-03T21:29:00.002+10:00

As you can see from below, just got a ukulele!! lots of love for KeijBeij, the guitar pro/almost buff dude ;)

And I've been learning heaps of songs, some of my personal favourites too ; You & I by Ingrid Michealson, Somewhere over the Rainbow and Such great heights by The postal service. This is a ukulele version you should all check out. I will learn this someday! :)

I can smell the makings of one awesome ukulele band! KL in 2 days!

Another video; just because this song is amazing and this guy does an awesome cover:

the chance

2010-06-30T02:23:00.000+10:00

sometimes a moment only comes once
and you have to seize it.

2010-06-22T17:13:00.000+10:00

I woke up today and realised I had nothing to fear
That whatever happens, there's always another day to look forward to.
Looking back , every worry, every doubt, ever misconception seems like a small yet necessary bump on this long journey called life.

The only thing I wish I could do again,
is go back and tell myself this all along.

Anyway, the best in life are things yet to come.
See you soon?

in the rubble are all the things that you've been dreaming of

2010-06-20T11:25:00.000+10:00

I've been listening to alot of Phoenix lately. If you don't already know, Phoenix is an alternative rock band from France. I love their sounds, its catchy yet still soothing enough to listen to in the background while I multitask unlike most songs you hear today which just blare and demand full attention of your senses.

Ive been doing a lot of reading lately. I'm currently reading Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray which is a gothic horror story mixed with really good insights into how people think and act. Interesting read, especially on rainy winter days when all you really want to do is snuggle up in bed with a good book.

Also, look what I found. This amazing Russian designer created 'Your Personal Moon', a light up box the shape of a moon that you can carry with you wherever and whenever (although you would need quite the oversized tote). Very cute.

Also, Tim Walker photography is my current obsession. I have plans to decorate my room while deriving my inspirations from his beautiful, fairy-tale like world photos. I plan to do a lot of vintage hunting for old and nostalgic items during the break and definitely put some stuff up to make that white box of a room look a lot more me I suppose? Lots to look forward to!

Speaking of the break, I can't wait to be home in 2 weeks. I miss everyone and everything so so much.

2010-06-17T17:37:00.000+10:00

every insignificant action counts

2010-06-16T12:08:00.000+10:00

Let us wake up from an age of ignorance,
from a time of cowardice
From seeing and yet not knowing
from breathing but never living.

Let us see life through a lens
where the perfect moments are captured
where all that matters is the beauty it beholds
and ever second counts

the passing moment, without a sentimental soundtrack

2010-06-08T23:39:00.000+10:00

and he said

i have never fallen so fast for anyone ever before

yet there were no words she could say that would make sense of the moment and truly express how she felt. because she didn't know how she felt, and she didn't know what it meant to love and to be loved.
what happened to the emotion and the fireworks that were supposed to go off in spite of those words. the magic that was mean to happen in all his practice over the years failed to reach an audience. there was no applause or cheers. it was just silence.

years from now she would look back and wonder what it meant to have a perfect moment pass by without anyone realising it. how many of such moments had gone by and how many were yet to be missed. it seemed that what little magic that she actually believed in at that moment had proved to be one worth recognising. yet there was no more mystery or wonder now. it was all gone, and all that was left is the memory of an opportunity missed.

2010-06-08T21:44:00.000+10:00

Amen

2010-06-03T18:42:00.001+10:00

a series of snapshots around the apartment

2010-06-02T11:49:00.001+10:00

its strange what we find and see around a familiar space